Thunder
by Nandance
Summary: Jate 2shot. Set just after D.O.C. Jangst in first chapter, but jate soon to come....


The sky was dark, foreboding, and making loud, cracking noises every few minutes. Dark black waves were lapping against the rocks near the beach, the wind creating speckles of white foam all across the vast ocean.

And she didn't care. She sat under the flimsy shelter of her tent, the wind blowing her chestnut curls across her soft skin, her brow furrowed tightly above her otherwise peaceful hazel eyes.

This had to stop. This ridiculous, ridiculous game they were playing; _pretending_ everything was alright, that _they_ were alright. God knows she'd tried to ignore it long enough. When her feeble attempts at flattery and flirtation were brushed off by him with little more than a glance. When the hours he spent with Juliet grew longer and longer until they were practically inseparable. When his life no longer seemed to have the room to fit her. When he stopped loving her. God, it hurt so much. It hurt to know what she'd done to him, with just a simple, rash act.

Actually, it hadn't been all that rash. She'd thought it out well enough. In her delusional and cage-fevered mind, it had gone something like this: Sawyer loved her. Sawyer was going to die. Jack would never have to know. Sawyer was being sweet. Sawyer was going to die. Jack would never have to know. Sawyer needs her. Jack would never have to know. Sawyer was going to die. Jack would never have to know. Sawyer was trying to be strong. Jack would never have to know.

And so she'd done it. And then everything had gone wrong. Sawyer hadn't died. She felt so guilty for considering that a negative, but it was true. Sawyer was alive and Jack had _seen_ them. And her world had long since crashed around her, the pieces of it reflecting images of her disastrous life blindingly into her eyes.

Of course she'd never realized this would happen. Never realized that Jack had loved her enough to lay his life down for hers. Never realized how broken he was, and how impossible it would be for him to forgive her. Then again, she'd never really realized that he loved her in the first place, not until Juliet, had told her she'd broken his heart. It was the single best and worst moment of her life, hearing that sentence; because she learned that he _had_ loved her, but also that she'd lost her chance with him forever. And now here they were, her and him, on their beach together and nothing would ever be the same.

She'd tried and tried and tried. Flirting with him seemed so much harder when it wasn't just a casual game. When the stakes were actually high, when there was so much between them, it suddenly became the most difficult thing on earth. She wasn't that type of girl – the type that threw herself at men. But then again, being around Jack seemed to change any preconceived notions she had about herself. So here she'd been, flirting with him openly – licking his spoons and laughing at his not-so-funny jokes and watching him everywhere he went. And when all else failed, she'd taken the easy road again, by sleeping with Sawyer. She wasn't going to say she'd done it for revenge, because she hadn't. She would be devastated if Jack found out about THIS time with Sawyer. But she would admit that the whole time they were together, she was imagining him as Jack. And it made her life, if only for a second, a little more bearable to believe that the man holding her and kissing her and loving her was Jack.

But she was sick of it and she was over it. Their games, their lies, their shit. And as the thunder cracked above her, she started to cry for the hundredth time that day. But then there he was, walking down the beach, not seeming to mind the torrential downpour drenching him from head to toe. The waves danced across his ankles and he sifted through the sand slowly, each step painfully slow. He was just walking. And then she was walking. Walking towards him. And the world was moving in slow motion. She didn't know what she was doing – much less what she was going to say to him. But she knew she had to fix it. Them.

"He was going to die!" she yelled over the rain, as she walked up to him.

He wheeled around instantly, confusion and anger written all over his features.

"What?!" he yelled back, the thunder almost drowning him out.

She spoke more slowly this time, though just as loudly, and she began to wonder if this was such a good idea. "Sawyer…he was…he was going to die. And we had both given up hope and…and…I didn't know what else to do…."

As she spoke, his eyes shot up with the realization of what she was addressing. She could tell he was shocked that she'd actually brought IT up, the elephant in the room, the unspeakable deed. She could tell he was at a loss for what to say.

He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, his eyes weary and his expression heavy. "Kate, I….I don't know what you're talking about" he lied as best he could.

She'd known he'd feign ignorance, that the pain was too great for him to address directly. She should have known that he wasn't ready, that _they_ weren't ready. But it angered her just the same, and she felt herself beginning to unravel, "Bullshit. You know exactly what we're talking about here. I won't ignore it Jack, and I won't let us be like this anymore. Nothing's the same anymore, Jack. There was always something between us and you know it. I'm telling you RIGHT NOW that I made a mistake. I am so so sorry for the choice I made. It was the wrong one. Can't you see that I've been distraught ever since?"

He was stunned, she could tell. Never had they been this forward with each other before. To acknowledge that there had been 'something between them' was a huge step, but to be followed by her words of regret and sorrow took him to a whole new level of confusion. He looked into her eyes and saw it – the hurt and the pain and the fear. But just like she had known he would, he put his walls up again and she saw the anger crackle in his eyes.

"He was going to die? _That's_ your reason?! You didn't know what else to do?! Talk about bullshit. We aren't _anything_, Kate. You dug your own grave, and now you can do whatever you want. But don't you dare lie to me. I deserve to know the truth."

"That IS the truth!" she screamed over the thunder, and over his finishing words.

"Stop lying!"

"I'm not!"

"Why?!"

Finally she broke. "Because… because like I TOLD you he was dying, and I didn't know what else to do"…she hesitated, then whispered…. "And… and because he was there. He was there when you weren't," she gulped the last bit out, almost afraid to say it, and certainly too afraid to look him in the eye.

Confusion raked through his face. "What?" he asked, disbelievingly. "You slept with him because he was AROUND?! Well excuse me for being captured and put into a cell while he was put next to you in a cage. Next time I'll just request---"

"That's not what I mean!" she cut him off violently. "I mean," she began, her voice cracking with emotion, speaking softer now than before, "he was there _for me_ when you weren't. When they took me to see you, you were angry with me, you yelled. I know now that you were just scared and confused and being pressured on all sides to do so many things. But I didn't understand that then. And all I knew was that – emotionally – Sawyer was comforting."

She took a breath as she finished, looking him squarely in the eye, surprised to see his head hung in defeat.

"You're right."

"Excuse me?" she asked, confused.

"You're right and I'm…I'm sorry. I really am, Kate. But you don't owe me an apology. You don't owe me anything. We aren't anything…" he paused, looking at the ground with shame, and then finally looked up at her, offering one final punch in the gut to seal her already bleak fate, "And…we never were," and with that, he began to sprint towards his tent, as if he were trying to escape the raindrops that had already soaked him through.

END PART I

It had been 2 days. 2 days since her life on this island had become nothing more than an endless series of 'what ifs' and tears and pain. 2 days since he'd told her they were nothing, that they had nothing. And 2 days since she'd woken up with any hope. It was night now, the camp buzzing calmly with sounds of evening. Fires danced all around her, sounds of crickets buzzing and waves calmly lapping at the shore served to calm her for the first time in….well…2 days. His tent was exactly 4 away from hers. 4 tents, 48 feet, and 9 inches. Not like she'd measured or anything…

She knew she shouldn't. She knew she should just let it be, let him be, let _them_ be – but she couldn't. She needed to know _why_. So up she stood, hating herself with every step she took towards his tent. When she reached the entrance, she stood for a good minute, simply staring and working up her courage. Now or never.

She lifted the flap, and stepped boldly inside, obviously startling him.

"Kate?!" he jumped up, startled.

"Look I know this is awkward or whatever but I just need to know _why_" her words stumbled out, as he continued to stare at her in confusion.

"Um…why _what?"_ he asked, searching her eyes as she began to lower herself to his level.

"Why"… she hesitated, then leaned down until she was kneeling before him, "Why, if we never had anything, if we never were anything, why did you look at me?"

She didn't have to continue, he knew exactly what she was talking about. It was the other elephant in the room, the other topic they'd never gotten around to discussing. He'd thought maybe they'd eventually have had another "I'm sorry I kissed you" moment where someone brought it up and they acknowledged their feelings for each other, but things had changed…things had happened…SAWYER had happened…. So they'd never talked about that day on the docks when the others captured them. That day when he'd been so deathly afraid of never seeing her again, the day when it hadn't mattered that their lives were in danger, or that they might never get back to their island again, the day when the only thing he cared about was Kate.

But he couldn't acknowledge it yet. Couldn't break down, couldn't let her know that he understood what she meant. And she knew that. She knew when she made the choice to disregard consequence and sleep with Sawyer she'd lost the privilege to ever hope that he'd make the first move, or make confessing her feelings for him easier on her.

So she swallowed hard, and continued, "The day the others captured us. When we were gagged…" she prompted, but he still made no move to respond.

"You….you looked at me. They were putting bags over our heads and you looked at me and you nodded and….and I think…I _thought_ I knew what you meant. But, now we're back and….and you're saying that we don't have anything" she spit out the last part bitterly, before finishing, "and so I just want to know….why."

He gazed at her for what seemed like a century, and took her in. The firelight made her face shine brighter than usual, her dark curls framing her face beautifully, her deep eyes filled lightly with tears, threatening to spill over onto her porcelain cheeks. And he lost it. He lost the ability to hate her, to blame her, to push her away. This was it, this was the moment he'd told himself to prevent from happening; but it was here and he couldn't help it, couldn't help but let her back in.

"Because" he whispered, slowly, "I thought we were going to die. And the last person I wanted to see….was you."

She began to cry, crystal tears streaming down her face as he spoke slowly and deliberately. She took in every word and stared into his large brown eyes as he continued.

"And, if there was one thing I could remember….I wanted it to be us," he choked out.

And it was out. He had said it. And now she was crying and he was crying and they were moving closer to each other, his hands gently cupping her own, as he pulled her closer to him. She looked up into his eyes and saw that they were dilated a deep black with love and perhaps a tinge of lust. Her tears stopped and she pressed her forehead to his, both of them looking down, the tension and emotion between them more intense than anything they'd ever felt.

"I wanted it to be us, too" came her soft, beautifully metaphoric reply.

And then suddenly they were lying down and he was holding her tightly and whispering in her ear and kissing her neck sand and she was grasping at his shoulders and kissing him and sighing with utter contentment and finally, for the first time since she'd crashed on this god forsaken island, she was alright. More than alright….perfect.


End file.
